I saw him coming out of my favorite coffee shop.
He knows I go there everyday.
It’s completely out of his way.
I haven’t replied to his message yet since.
I don’t know what I want.
I thought I wanted an affair, a new husband, I wanted a lifetime friend… someone to share my life, my mind, my body with.
We were entranced with each other for a while. I told him my wants and he refused to move from the medium of sexual banter.
That was of course until he stood there in front of me.
I gave him the look of a deer in headlights I’m sure of it.
I didn’t speak a word to him – hell I blocked him.
But it leaves me perplexed.
What is it that I want?
He was there. He messaged me and wished me a Happy Valentines.
My consciousness scares me sometimes.
I can feel the assumed pain of others.
Yet, the wants of my own – when they realize and after I cast them out onto the universe begging for their return – I see them materialize and I’m stunned.
Maybe I should be careful what I ask for – I have heard that phrase many times.
I want you. Does that mean you too with eventually scare me?
My consciousness frightens me sometimes.
I wake up with a realization I am apart of something way bigger than I – yet some how I still have meaning (even if it’s just to one person).
The weight of the world is indeed to much to bear for one individual and I don’t wish it upon anyone.
I can feel you wanting to be apart of my mind.
I know you want me apart of yours.
I won’t run away.