Delirium 

What are those messages I heard? 

Who spoke to me those years ago and why did it make sense? 

I was on a slippery slope of pipes, booze, and tainted ideas of love. 

Then one day like a break of a fragile twig my mind saw the street signs change… “dead end.” 

I was at the end of the road of my bender. 

And it felt like a miracle passed down from some higher power. I was being saved? Or beckoned to the depths of hell? 

I still don’t know the truth but I know what I heard and I know what I saw. 

For what felt like 3 months I staggered around listening to these messages telling me exactly what to do and to BELIEVE. 

I promptly looked at the drugs in my left hand and threw them out of my car windows “fuck that” I thought. 

I had lost my mind. Yet, something kept me just sane enough. 

I remember riding passenger in a false loves car and out of no where a vagrant cries out “I know what you’re doing to her.”

Everything seemed to fit and in those moments of delirious thoughts and feelings of spiritual powers at work I became awake. 

I was awoken to where I was in my path and I stopped. I stopped and turned around. 

It was scary and frightening and I gave up everyone I knew to start over. 

This new path is lonely indeed.

I’m walking towards something I’m not quite sure where it will lead but the more I ignore it the louder it calls.

The messages are not as frightening anymore and I’m beginning to notice them coming from deep within. 

When this all began there was a night when I was asleep and as clear as day I was awaken by the sounds of a someone calling my name; clear as day. Only to find I was the only person there. 

I listened again as I went back to sleep and again I heard my name just as clear as the first. 

Something woke up my soul. All those lonely cries I once had suddenly didn’t feel so alone anymore. 

There’s a spirit to this world if some want to be believe it now or not.

I experienced it and who knows maybe it’s just to tell the tale of delirium hap happenings or to cope with the mania that became so real it changed my life. 

The darkness is as real as the light both blinding and potentially frightening. From what I’ve seen when the darkness encapsulates it’s hard if not impossible to escape from and that is where I feel blessed. For if it wasn’t for that glimpses of light that did shine through I would have never had seen the messy shambles my state of being was in. 

So listen for your name, seek the light, allow the messages to wash over you – whatever you believe –  wake up. 

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